It's nice to follow fried rice
with a helpful fortune cookie,
but the message that Jan got this time
was ominous and spooky.
"So sorry for this awful news,
and the mind which you will shortly lose."
It's just a piece of paper, right?
She shouldn't be concerned.
Jan opened up another one,
but the fortune was confirmed.
"You'll certainly go crazy soon.
Most likely by this afternoon."
So, stubbornly Jan soldiered on
thinking "next one will be better".
She opened up a third dessert,
her silly friends just let her.
"Nice try" it read, "You're going mad."
"You can't escape this fate.
When a fortune cookie's spoken,
it is probably too late."
She should've left that evil cookie
sitting on the plate.
From there, each cookie opened
had only a single word.
"Crazy" said the papers -
this was getting absurd.
Now Looney Jan still opens cookies
morning, noon, and night.
She mutters to herself
of how the fortune can't be right.
That devious little cookie knew
how to make Jan come unglued.
-B.C. Byron
I’m always frustrated when fortune cookies don’t actually have a fortune in them. A fortune means a future prediction. The other day I had a fortune cookie with a note saying, “your personality attracts good friends”. THAT is a compliment, cookie factory people. It was very nice, but not a foretelling of coming events. My daughter’s cookie paper said, “don’t be afraid to share your great ideas”. THAT is advice, not a fortune. Another fortuneless fortune I’ve seen in these rebel cookies, “your past has brought you here”. THAT is a statement, and a rather obvious one. Where are all the real fortunes, and why won’t restaurants won’t give a refund for a malfunctioning fortune cookie? I’m looking for predictions for the stock market or at least what the weather will be like tomorrow. I’ve never seen one with news from the future. Oh well, at least my cookies didn’t call me crazy.
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