Stay Chill

Stress is something grownups get
When kids are loud
Or pants are wet.
Stress is something grownups do.
They think too much.
They fret and stew.
Stress is something grownups use
to make their foreheads crinkle.
Stress is something grownups eat
That makes their bellies wrinkle.
Stress has other names I've heard
Like 'credit cards' and 'taxes'.
It makes a person's eye twitch
And it fills them up with gasses.
Stress can block the arteries.
Stress can melt the brain.
It makes you lose your temper
If you don't contain the strain.
So before you check my bedroom's clean,
Remember,
Stress can kill.
Please do your health a favor, Dad.
Let's keep it nice and chill.

-B.C. Byron
Before you go in there. Take a deep breath and stay chill, Dad.
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Stress can make us do funny things and can really beat up our bodies. Stress makes our pits pour salty water, makes our stomachs tight, our feet cold, lips go numb, eyes twitch, and more oddball stuff. I’ve even broken out in itchy, red blotches all over my body the night before a job interview.

It’s strange that our brains get so worked up about a math test or speaking in front of people – things that couldn’t kill or even injure us. Why do we react this way to such trivial (not-so-important) things? Our ancestors would probably have a good belly laugh if they could see us fretting over solving a math problem in front of a class of kids. They had to face real dangers, like starvation or being eaten by bears. It’s important to keep the right perspective about the things that get us worried.

It’s also important to develop our own ways to handle stress when it comes, and believe me it will. We may nit be able stay cool as a watermelon in every situation, but we can certainly keep that panicky feeling under reasonable control. On that note, I’d like to share an anti-stress trick that has worked for me personally. I call it “embracing the pain”. When your heart is racing and you feel the butterflies in your stomach, don’t fight it. In fact, I’ve found that I can calm down by focusing in on the symptoms of stress. Try observing yourself in detail (in your mind of course) and noting wgat’s happening. “I’m sweaty and I feel embarrassed”, “I’m afraid I’ll mess up right now”, “my cheeks are probably red”, “I think I may screw up some test answers and that’s okay”. Oddly, by not fighting against and accepting the stress feelings, I can manage them so much better. It’s natural to feel stress, so just let it be and go on anyway. Sweaty and nervous on the outside, chill on the inside. It can be done with a little practice.

The Mysterious Screw

What,
Oh, what
Is the point of this screw?
And if I unscrew it,
What does it do? 

Strange,
So strange
That I find it right here.
It's stuck in my middle,
The purpose ain't clear. 

I twist
And twist,
But it keeps unscrewing.
Can anyone see
What this thing
Is doing?


-B.C. Byron
Hmmm… this screw doesn’t seem to do anything when I unscrew it
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It’s uncanny (that means unbelievably weird) that the bellybutton does indeed look like a screw. Have you ever noticed that? Take a look at it right now and you’ll see what I mean. You may need a mirror to get a good enough view to see the fleshy slots, just like a phillips head screw. When I was little, my brothers had me convinced that my bellybutton was the very screw that was holding my bottom in place. Sometimes they would threaten to unscrew it, which terrified me. I imagined my belly button being really long and going all the through my middle at an angle, down to the tailbone where it fit into a threaded hole to keep my bum firmly in place. I was small and not yet very logical, so I didn’t really think about the fact that such a screw would have to go through the middle of my stomach and would make a hole for my stomach contents to leak out.

Now that I’m grown up, I know that’s all a bunch of hogwash. It doesn’t make sense to have just one screw holding my entire bottom in place. It also doesn’t make sense for it to go right through the middle of my stomach. Surely there at least 4 screws there, one on each corner of my bottom. The real mystery is, where are the other screws hidden? Are they under the belly skin, or is my bottom fastened through the hips? I’ve poked around there and can’t seem to find them. Let me know if you find those additional screws. If you do find them, please DO NOT put a screwdriver there, or anything else for that matter.

Knee caps are another body part that’s mysterious to me. It’s a bone, but it’s not fastened in that well. When your leg is bent, the knee caps stay firmly in place. If you straighten your leg out, you can (very gently) wiggle the knee cap around. What is the purpose of that? Imagine if parts of your skull could wiggle around like that. What if your shoulder blades could slide around when you stand up straight (maybe they do and I just need someone else to reach back there and try it for me)? Also, why don’t we have elbow caps that wiggle around? Elbows are, after all, the knee of the arm, or maybe the knee is the elbow of the leg? And why do we have armpits, but no legpits? Why don’t our legpits need deoderant like our armpits, or am I the only one who is not using deoderant in my leg pits (or whatever they’re called)… I’m getting lost in this conversation now, and you probably are too. I’ll just end by saying that our bodies are fascinating squishy machines, full of mystery. Let’s take good care of our bodies and learn all we can about them.

Now I’m off to research knee caps and to find out if I need to buy legpit deoderant. Good night.