The Groom of the Stool

The men with the crowns
who lived in the castles
had servants galore
for their everyday hassles.
For kings can't be bothered
with choosing their clothes,
or cooking their food,
or blowing their nose.
Ten servants for cleaning,
and six groom the steed,
and eight for just boiling the royalty's tea. 

A King's royal bottom needs special attention,
like everything else in royal convention.
But whom can be trusted to wipe royal cheeks?
And who holds the bucket while royalty leaks?
Why, the Groom of the Stool handles pot and backside,
a position of power,
position of pride.
All the knights and the ladies are just a King's tool,
from the greatest of servants on down to the Fool,
there is none more noble than Groom of the Stool.

-B.C. Byron
This is one of the finer examples of a royal chamber pot. Not quite as fancy as the modern-day Excretomax 5000, but it was far better than any peasant’s potty.
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In case you were wondering, yes, this was a real job in ancient times. I don’t know if every member of the royal household had such a servant, or even if every king did, but this is definitely an actual medieval profession. You can imagine the amount of trust a king or queen would have to put in the person that takes care of their toilet needs. The Groom of the Stool must have been an important person to the king, though I can’t imagine it’s the kind of job someone would brag about to their friends. The history books claim this was a top position within the castle staff. Consider the fact that toilet paper had not been invented yet… on second thought, don’t consider that. It’s best if you don’t spend too many brain cycles thinking about the possibilities ranging from reusable rags to leaves to hands. Better to not wonder about the awkward silences as the groom set about their terrible work and what happened when the king had eaten far too many kidney pies and then washed it all down with bad mead only to wake up with the tummy grumbles at 3 a.m. Just stop thinking about it, okay.

There are many difficult, tedious, not-so-fun jobs that need doing in today’s world. There are even some folks kind enough to clean up after us when we’re ill in the hospital and can’t take care of ourselves. If you should end up working as a hamburger flipper at a questionably sanitary restaurant or a customer service representative for a rash cream company on 12 hour shifts, just think about how much worse it could be if you lived in the times of kings, queens, knights, and ladies. Remember that you do have toilet paper, air conditioning, and hand soap. Count your blessings and be glad that you’re not a groom of the stool whose job consists of waiting around in the royal stink chamber, with no mobile phone, until the king has to do his business. Be the best rash cream representative you can, and know that you’re easily 50 steps above the king’s most trusted servant.

Just a drop

A little drop of sunlight
In a lake of lonely night,
A little drop of comfort
To a mind that's wound up tight,
A little drop of water
In a throat that's feeling dry,
A little dripping teardrop
From an eye that needs a cry.
A drop into your bucket,
A drop into the sea,
A drop lost in the ocean,
Just tiny little me.
It may be all that I can do,
But I will be a drop for you.

-B.C. Byron
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I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “only a drop in the bucket”. It’s usually a phrase that’s used in a negative way as in, “you’re going to do all this tedious work and spend all this time and it will hardly make a difference”. Sometimes we feel like we, ourselves, are just a drop in a big bucket and the things we do don’t make a difference, good or bad. We often are tricked into believing that the world needs us to do big, amazing things to make any worthy impact. But this poem turns that sentiment on its head. The most powerful and important people in my life have been those that consistently helped me in small ways, ways I didn’t always notice until years later. My Mother and Father have always been like this, nudging others in the right direction and doing what they think is right even though it hardly gets noticed by the world. My parents were never CEOs of a big company, never won big competitions (at least not that they told me about), never ran marathons or raised tons of money for a charity, and at least until their later years, they never even went on any exotic vacations. But these are the people that changed me and molded me and my 6 siblings the most. They are also beloved members of their community and counted on by many, many people. This poem praises those who are content to be a drop in the bucket of others, if they see that that’s what is needed most. This is for the people that quietly chip away at tasks and never tire of doing the right thing whether it gains them praise and notice from others or not. It’s okay to have great aspirations and to want to change the world, but while you have your big dreams, remember that your influence is already huge for those that are right next to you. The ocean needs every drop and the world needs you to be consistent in helping those around you. The drop is part of something bigger than itself and is happy to be so. Society is only as good as the 7 billion individuals that live in it and not all of them need to be nobel prize winners. You are more powerful than you know, little drop.

Sorry, no drawing this week. I wasn’t really sure what illustration would go with this poem and things have been extremely busy. I’ve been putting tiny drops into my big empty pond of tasks at work and I’m behind, but I’ll keep at it. If you think of a good drawing to go with this poem, feel free to comment below. Thank you for reading.