Party Pony

A fat happy pony,
A happy occasion,
Combine it with kids for a happy equation.
So brightly it's colored and beautifully fringed,
The bringer of candy for children to binge,
Gracefully dances and swings on a string.
If given a voice, it would cheerfully sing,
"Come little people.
Come here.
Sway with me.
Come party out here at the old walnut tree." 

Then come children do,
But they come with a stick,
And the next thing that happens should make us all sick.
Kids cover their heads so they won't see its eyes,
As they hit it repeatedly, spilling insides. 
The poor little pony is now just a head.
It's body is mangled.
It's certainly dead.
When candy's involved,
Children do what they gotta.
Now aren't you so happy you're not a pinata?

-B.C. Byron
The little unicorn wore her best fringe to the party only to be destroyed by a pack of wild candy hunters with clubs. This girl couldn’t even be bothered to remove the candy wrappers.
Buy my book here

This is a poem about a pony. A pony with a dream of entertaining children at a lovely outside party, the first she’d been invited to in fact. But those dreams were smashed, along with the pony’s cardboard body when she learned what kind of party it really was. Traditions can be strange if you think about them. Why do we hit a colorful animal with a stick and then gather its sugary entrails into bags? Who started this violent party pasttime? I don’t know, but I totally get the appeal. I’m a huge fan of a TV show called Mythbusters. I’ve written about this show in other poem posts. The Mythbusters tested science related myths in spectacular ways. The best part about the show was when they would spend days, weeks even, building an elaborate setup of mannequins, pianos, cars, an entire house, or all the above, only to then blow it to smithereens with guns or explosives. There’s something very satisfying about making a giant mess out of something like a pinata, or if you have the resources, an entire car when you know you won’t get into trouble for it. Pinatas fill that destructive need in kids, and then rewards them with treats for doing it. I think adults should do pinatas more often to get out their agressions. I can imagine a gauntlet of pinatas shaped like mini-vans, houses, flat screen TVs, and laptops with a bunch of crazed adults running through them swinging mop handles and large kitchen utensils. The pinatas would be filled with buy-one-get-one coupons, grocery items, free oil changes, and $20 bills. Sounds much better than the boring parties we adults do where we sit at the table and politely eat finger foods and talk about the weather. Kids would enjoy watching the adults go nuts with sticks and fighting over coupons even more than adults like watching them fight over candy. Of course, the adult version of the pinata wouldn’t be nearly as fun for the poor sap who had to fill it with all that expensive stuff. Well, I’m off to plan my wife’s birthday party. Have a good night.

Nicholas Pickleous

I have a pet named Nicholas
He is a living pickleous
He's sour and he's fickleous
But his pickle warts just tickle us 

The cutest pet you've ever seen
A lovely, lumpy, pickle green
With glistening, shiny, pickle sheen
My salty, slimy, snuggle machine 

But pickle pets can be a problem
If pickle lovers know you have them
I worry one may munch my pet
And that thought makes me sweat

-B.C. Byron
Pickles make great pets as long as you don’t mind the vinegar smell. Isn’t Nicholas the most adorable? I could just eat him up.
Buy my book here

This poem was a challenge from a kindergarten class. I visited the classrooms of two of my daughters this week to share my poems. It was my first live sharing of my work and I was a bit nervous. I ended up presenting to the older kids for a full hour and the little students were able to last about 30 minutes, which I understand is pretty good for their attention spans. I visited the 12 year-olds on Monday and 6 year-olds on Friday. Both classes were a great audience with enthusiastic participation. What a blast. They especially liked my caveman poem, read in a caveman voice of course, and the Bubble Popper, which I posted last week. At the end of the poetry session, I asked the little ones to come up with a poem challenge for me. Some of the topics suggested by these wonderful kindergartners were a living pickle, a living house, dogs, the journey of a cat, and onions. Not wanting to dissapoint, I wrote this poem and another one about a dog that turned into a pile of blubber from eating too many jelly rolls. My daughters collaborated with me on this pickle poem and then they drew their own pet pickle pictures the next day. There was a singing pickle with sunglasses and a vampire pickle to accompany Nicholas Picklous. I loved sharing with a new audience, but it’s even more fun when my kids get in on the poeming at home.

The seventh graders picked some harder topics – a car that turns into a submarine, a headless chicken, helping the homeless, Fortnight (the video game) to name a few. I went with the headless chicken topic for them. If you really want to grow your poetry skills, ask people to give you topics and different styles as a challenge. It’s not only great for pushing your poetry to a new level, but I find that these challenges can take your stories into surprising directions. When working with someone else’s idea as a start your brain has to work extra hard to get the ball rolling, but once it starts rolling I find that my own feelings and ideas work their way in eventually and I get to hear my own voice from a new angle. Ask your family and friends for off-the-wall ideas and give yourself a time limit to complete the poem. Some of my favorite poems have come out of doing this exercise.