Phalanges (fa-lan-jees)

Keep phalanges out of outlets
Keep phalanges to yourself
Clip the ends of those phalanges
Don't put them in your mouth 

There's phalanges on your hanjees
And phalanges on your feet
They're good for poking people
You use them when you eat 

Phalanges can be handy
For playing in the snow
But phalanges could fall off
If you get them cold, you know

So take care of your phalanges
You can't grow any more
I wouldn't put them in that fan...
Thunk! Thunk!
Now they're on the floor

-B.C. Byron
Take care of your phalanges and keep them away from fan blades
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Phalanges is one of the coolest words I know. It’s the technical term for the little bones hanging off your hands and feet, but I like to use the term phalanges in place of the words fingers and toes. It just sounds better when you say “get your phalanges out of the peanut butter jar”, or call those tricky little paper puzzles a “phalange trap” instead of a finger trap. It’s the fun kind of scientific word that makes me think, “that needs a silly poem”. For the kids reading this poem, you now have a word to impress your friends and teachers, a word that you can slip into everyday conversations and have a laugh as people tilt their head to the side and say, “your what-jees?”

Another great anatomy word is epidermis. It’s the thin, upper layer of skin that we can see. My friends in grade school used to tell me that my epidermis was showing and act all embarrassed. Not knowing the word’s meaning, I would check that my pants were not falling down and my shirt was buttoned. I had no idea that my face was covered in epidermis. Another great way to have fun with science words. Science and poetry are also a great pairing.

Take care of your phalanges, kids. Keep them out of spinning fans, blenders, bear’s mouths, and nuclear reactors.

The Best Poem Ever

Sitting still upon the toilet
thinking deep, then deeper.
A glorious poem came to me.
I knew it was a keeper. 
Words too sweet to utter
and rhythm smooth as butter.
Made my eyes go teary
just thinking of those lyrics.
The rhyming was so clever
in the BEST poem ever.
I knew that it would change the world
the moment I had thought it.
Clearly this is NOT that poem.
Sorry.
I forgot it.

-B.C. Byron
The poem was too good for this world, so it left my head before I could write it down
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I really wish I could remember that poem. It was truly amazing, but a poem about the best poem ever is a pretty close second. I’m sure this has happened to you too. You get an incredible idea that is so grand and so complex, you know it will change everything. By the time you’re done on the toilet and get a pencil and paper, the idea has gone. You can remember bits and pieces but the thought is just out of reach, only a foggy shape of would-be greatness left over in your mind. Don’t be discouraged by that one that got away. You’ve got more great ideas and so do I. Our time to shine will come, so let’s keep thinking and sharing our thought nuggets with the world.

Right now, humanity must suffer on without your fantastic idea that might have ushered in an era of peace and plenty for all. My now-forgotten poem was also that good. Really! Maybe someday it will come back to me, or an even better one will possibly be cooked up in my slow-heating brain oven. Until then, I’ll keep my notebook at the ready and write down every poem idea. Don’t want to miss that big opportunity when it comes. For now you can probably make do with my merely astoundingly clever and funny second best poems, and eagerly read every one of my blog posts in anticipation of the best poem ever. It will happen eventually.