Interstellar Pitstop

Sometime ago in the woods I was hiking,
When out of the clouds came a flash like lightning.
I looked to the sky
and my eyes were astounded -
a saucer ship hovering,
blue light surrounded!
It zipped and it spun like a big shiny bee.
It finally stopped,
hovered right next to me.
My jaw hung wide open.
I couldn't believe.
A craft that no human could ever conceive.
It landed so softly, a smooth gentle glide.
A feeling of awe crowded up my inside.
At the top of the ship,
strange gasses were stirring.
Then the door lifted open with clicking and whirring.
I wanted to speak but my tongue became granite.
How to greet beings from some other planet?
A many-legged beast down a ramp came squishing.
For all the right words I just kept on wishing.
The thing raised a tentacle, ready to speak.
I held in my breath as the alien squeaked,
"Hey, where is your bathroom? I have to pee." 
My shaky hand pointed to a shack in the trees.
I guess the weird bugger just needed a restroom.
The space creature entered.
I heard a loud BOOM!
When it's business was finished it simply said, "Bye",
got back in its ship and shot up through the sky.
The rude little creature was in such a rush,
didn't stop to meet humans,
and forgot to flush.

-B.C. Byron
The alien didn’t even flush!

I have to wonder what it might be like for an alien race that has had the technology for interstellar space travel for a very long time. Maybe traveling to other planets would become just a part of every day life. Earth might not be that interesting as a destination, but just a bathroom break on the way to visit friends in another galaxy. Us humans would be standing around staring and completely amazed and unable to move. Our alien visitor is thinking, “what’s wrong with these creatures? You’d think they’ve never seen a Florpian. And why don’t they have a proper toilet for making a number 3?”

I’d still like to be the first to meet a visitor from another planet, even if it’s a bit rude and much too busy to stop and tell me about its homeworld. Maybe they’ve been stopping here for potty breaks all along and we just missed them.

If you do happen to meet an alien on it’s way to somewhere else, don’t tell it where the bathroom is until it answers a few questions. If it needs to go bad enough, maybe you can get some cool technology out of the deal. “Hey, if you want to know where the facilities are I’m going to need one of those vaporizer doohickeys. How long can your species hold it anyway?”

Now you’re much better prepared than the kid in this poem. You’ve got to think ahead for these kinds of situations. Just in case an interstellar visitor happens to land it’s ship on your hiking trail.

Published by B.C. Byron

I’m a children’s author, poet, father of 3 girls, and electrical engineer. My first book, A Cat Named Lump, is available on Amazon,, and Google Books. I post new poems and illustrations every week.

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