Sometime ago in the woods I was hiking,
When out of the clouds
Something flashed like lightning.
I looked to the sky and was filled with wonder.
My eyes fell upon A FLYING SAUCER!
It zipped and it spun like a big shiny bee,
Much faster than crafts made by humanity.
My jaw hung open.
I couldn't believe.
Then it finally stopped,
Hovered right over me.
It landed so softly, a smooth gentle glide.
A feeling of awe crowded up my insides.
From the big metal ship
Cloudy gasses were spilling.
When the door lifted open,
I heard clicking and whirring.
Thought hard about what I could say at this moment,
As the first to meet beings from some other planet.
Then a many-legged beast
Down a long ramp came squishing.
For all the right words
I just kept on wishing.
The thing raised a tentacle, ready to speak.
I held in my breath as the alien squeaked,
"Where is your bathroom? I have to pee."
My shaky hand pointed to a shack in the trees.
I guess even aliens need a good restroom.
The space creature entered.
I heard a loud BOOM!
When it's business was finished
the creature said, "Bye"
got back in its ship
and shot up through the sky.
The rude little creature was in such a rush,
didn't stop to meet humans,
and didn't even flush.
Copyright B.C. Byron 2021
I have to wonder what it might be like for an alien race that has had the technology for interstellar space travel for a very long time. Maybe traveling to other planets would become just a part of every day life. Earth might not be that interesting as a destination, but just a bathroom break on the way to visit friends in another galaxy. Us humans would be standing around staring and completely amazed and unable to move. Our alien visitor is thinking, “what’s wrong with these creatures? You’d think they’ve never seen a Florpian. And why don’t they have a proper toilet for making a number 3?”
I’d still like to be the first to meet a visitor from another planet, even if it’s a bit rude and much too busy to stop and tell me about its homeworld. Maybe they’ve been stopping here for potty breaks all along and we just missed them.
If you do happen to meet an alien on it’s way to somewhere else, don’t tell it where the bathroom is until it answers a few questions. If it needs to go bad enough, maybe you can get some cool technology out of the deal. “Hey, if you want to know where the facilities are I’m going to need one of those vaporizer doohickeys. How long can your species hold it anyway?”
Now you’re much better prepared than the kid in this poem. You’ve got to think ahead for these kinds of situations. Just in case an interstellar visitor happens to land it’s ship on your hiking trail.