Piano Maker

What does does the Toothfairy do
with the teeth she's always after?
Well she really is a clever sprite,
and the finest piano crafter. 

Admire the work of our wingy friend
and her tooth-melting expertise.
Next time you plunk out a tune,
take a look at those pearly keys.
Imagine how many baby teeth
to make a whole row of these. 

Gotta earn the coins she's fond of giving.
Everyone's got to make a living.
Whether or not it gives you the chills,
Making toothy pianos pays the bills.

-B.C. Byron

Another mystery solved by your favorite poet. Not every piano brand gets their piano keys from the Tooth Fairy, just the highest quality ones. They used to make piano keys, and a ton of other things, from ivory but people realized that killing elephants for their tusks was a losing proposition for both human and elephant. Now piano keys are made mostly from plastic. So how do you know if you have the highest quality, human teeth piano keys straight from the Tooth Fairy’s laboratory? You’ll need to buy an ultraviolet flashlight, dim the lights in the room, and shine the ultraviolet on your piano keys. If they reflect bright white or a bluish color, then you either have ivory or human teeth on your piano. If they reflect a different color, it’s probably just boring old plastic or resin keys (ultraviolet flashlights are great for many other experiments, but that’s for another poem I’ll post later). You can also tell that your piano keys are from the Tooth Fairy by pulling up one of the keys and looking for her signature on the bottom. She signs each and every key she makes, the mark of a true craftsfairy. You won’t find this kind of useful information anywhere else on the internet. That’s because I have information sources that no one else does and I choose to use those amazing resources for writing silly poems, rather than ruling the world. Ruling the world is just not my thing.

Now you’re probably wondering what other enigmas I can solve for you after enlightening the world about the mysteries of the famous tooth collector. Does B.C. Byron know what happens to my missing socks? Or why I keep feeling a phone buzz in my pocket when I’m not carrying my phone? Maybe he knows what’s at the center of a black hole? Yes, yes I do. I will reveal this knowledge in good time. You just need to keep following my blog.