Mermaid Fishing

Going mermaid fishing.
Gonna catch a fishy friend.
Nobody believes me,
but I'll show them in the end.
"I've never seen a mermaid" everyone insists.
Well, they need a special kind of bait
that mermaids can't resist.
A photo of my handsome face,
which every lady wants to kiss.
When those lips are firmly placed,
I reel her in from the abyss.
I'll put her in a fish tank,
my scaly little miss,
to plan a lovely wedding -
join our lives in fishy bliss.
For a future with my ocean bride
the plans have all been laid.
Just need a fishing license
that lets me catch a mermaid.

-B.C. Byron

Most mermaids these days meet men through dating apps online. It’s much simpler. Also, something tells me that a mermaid wouldn’t accept a marriage proposal from a guy who dragged her to the surface on a metal hook and kept her in a tiny tank. She’d probably want to go on a few dates first at least, and how do you take her on a date? You’d have to get a van with a lift to put her tank in and a hand truck for wheeling her to and from the van. Things are getting pretty expensive now. Then what would you do on the date? Can’t dance very long since you’ll have to hold your breath the whole time. She probably couldn’t eat hamburgers or a salad at a restaurant, and seafood might be offensive. Maybe you could find a new age health restaurant where they serve mostly seaweed dishes (is that what mermaids eat?). Then there are cultural differences and a language barrier to overcome. Shrieking and making whale sounds is considered rude at human parties, as I’ve found out on numerous occasions. High fives are an insult in underwater communities. The list goes on. And you can forget meeting her parents. They live deep in an ocean cave and you get 30 minutes of scuba tank air time, max. All these problems could be overcome with love and effort I suppose, but it turns out that mermaid fishing is actually illegal after all.Don’t believe me? Send the Fish and Game department an email and ask. They were pretty short with me the last 5 times I called about it.

Thanks for reading my poems. Fish responsibly and leave the poor mermaids alone kids.