A Hedgehog and a Porcupine

A hedgehog met a porcupine
In a creature dating app online.
The relationship was going fine,
So they met up quill-to-quill to dine.
They shared a plate of slugs and bark,
Then took a long walk through the park.
They talked until the sky was dark.
It seemed the two had quite a spark.
The atmosphere of love was thick,
And though the two just seemed to click,
That date got thorny pretty quick,
When thinking he was mighty slick,
The porcupine leaned in to kiss.
He heard a sound,
A ghastly hiss.
His poor deflated hedgehog miss,
Full of holes like cheesy swiss.
...His dates all seem to end like this.


-B.C. Byron
How DO porcupines hug? It must be tough living as a ball of spikes.

After reading this poem to my kids, my youngest daughter remarked that she would never want to be a porcupine because life would be terrible without hugs. I tend to agree and it also made me wonder, how DO porcupines show affection? Turns out that they like to touch noses (very, very carefully I’m sure). Pretty darn cute, actually. There are a good number of other questions I have about the machanics of being a porcupine and I’ll probably go look them up after I finish writing.

Thankfully, the story of the hedgehog and the porcupine doesn’t end with this poem. The porcupine, being a quick thinker, remembered the bicycle pump that he keeps in the back of his car for just these types of situations and leapt into action. He had to try a few different nozzles on the pump, but was eventually able to re-inflate his lovely date. He apologized profusely, feeling quite embarrassed, and the two had good gut-busting laugh about the whole thing. The next day, our porcupine found a good pair of wire cutters at the hardware store and started clipping the ends of his quills once-a-week, a tedious but worthwhile task. Many more dates followed and the couple is still together to this day. Love can be tricky sometimes, but it’s the work you put in that makes it work. “Magic” is nice and effort counts twice when it comes to relationships. Don’t change who you are when you find that special person, just be willing to clip your quills, or your toenails, or chew with your mouth closed, or work at filing down the “poky” parts of your personality. The other person will see your efforts on their behalf and, if they really care, they’ll do the same for you. I’ve been married for 18 years now and I’m still working on some things, but it’s a happy collaboration and I never regret when I go out of my way to do something nice for my wife. Occasionally getting poked by a few (metaphorical) spines won’t change that for either of us.

Published by B.C. Byron

I’m a children’s author, poet, father of 3 girls, and electrical engineer. My first book, A Cat Named Lump, is now available on Amazon. It’s not for everyone – just those with a good sense of humor who stand a bit outside the norm. I have so many odd poems to share with the world, so I started this blog. Here I’ll post some poems from my book and many yet unpublished ones. If you like my work, please show support by buying and rating my book.

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