Good Grades

This carton of eggs is smart
because they're graded with an A.
But what subjects did they study?
And who would teach an egg? 
Did these eggs just go through high school,
or are they college grads?
Who paid for all that schooling?
Was it scholarships, or their dads?
If they went to university,
the level of study matters.
Is their degree a doctorate,
or is it just a master's? 
With all this education,
they could better their situation.
These eggs should be out workin'
instead of sitting in a carton.

-B.C. Byron

This poem is a bit innaccurate. Egg grades, surprisingly, have nothing to do with education levels of the eggs or the chickens. It turns out that eggs are actually graded according to their level of bounciness. The more bouncy the eggs, the better the grade is on the carton. So, if you really want to see an egg bounce high, buy grade A cartons. Make sure to test them by throwing on a hard kitchen floor or a wall. Your parents will try to discourage this experiment as they probably hadn’t heard this fact about eggs. But don’t worry, they will be impressed when they see what happens after you drop a whole carton of eggs on the floor at once. Grade A eggs zipping everywhere is sure to delight them. Just don’t tell them you learned about this from B.C. Byron. They’ll be more impressed if they think you figured it out by yourself.

Other websites will tell you that eggs are graded by how clean the shell is, size of the yolk, color, and general quality. Blah, blah, blah. By now you’ve learned to trust your favorite poet on these important matters. Well, I’m off the buy some eggs for bouncing and a roll of paper towels.