Wrong Side of the Bed

Been sleepin' on the wrong side of the bed.
That's why I'm cranky,
So my momma said.
But the other side is difficult to use.
Can't rest with all my hair just hangin' loose.
This certainly don't make me sleep no better,
And I'm pretty sure it's makin' me upsetter.

-B C. Byron

Sleeping on the wrong side of the bed is blamed for many problems, but which side is actually the correct side? Why don’t bed manufacturers just label the best side of the bed so people don’t get confused and end up with a rough night like the kid in this poem? Well, after much experimentation, including strapping myself to the underside of the bed, I’ve found that the right side of my bed is actually on the left side. Why on Earth would they put the right side on the left? Was that done on purpose? I emailed the maker of my bed to inform them of this design error, but they still haven’t responded. One thing I still haven’t tried, is tipping the bed sideways. Maybe that’s what is meant by the “wrong side of the bed”? I’ll ask the bed manufacturer about that in my next email. Perhaps the best sleep ever is waiting for me on the actual SIDE of the mattress and not on the top or bottom. Hmmm… I’ll give that a try and let you know how it turns out.

Actually, I am one of those rare folks who doesn’t get grumpy when I’m sleep deprived. I mostly just get goofy and weird after a poor night’s sleep. It’s a good time for me to write poems and do drawings, though not all of them make complete sense. The less sleep I have, the stranger and sillier I feel. That’s when words like “upsetter” seem sensible to me. It’s a really good thing I don’t sleep much, so you can benefit from my tired creativity. Well, I better get working on tipping my bed sideways and figuring out a way to keep it from tipping back over tonight. I’m sure my wife will have some ideas how to make that work for us. Goodnight.