You haven't finished dinner,
Your plate's still there I see.
Now crunch that plate and swallow
If you want dessert from me.
You need to eat your napkin,
Your fork and spoon and cup.
This meal isn't over
'Til you've eaten ALL that stuff.
And once you've eaten fork and plate,
I'd really appreciate
If someone ate this table too,
Don't let it go to waste.
Now you've eaten properly,
Your tummy's feeling fat…
Hey, slow down!
Don't eat the floor!
...I was saving that.
Copyright B.C. Byron 2021
First off, don’t eat glass, wood, or metal. The kid in this poem had fun, but eventually all that stuff had to come out the other end. Dishes and tables DO NOT digest as well as you might expect. They also clog toilets, and a standard plunger just isn’t enough for that job. Let’s just say that this kid and a plumber had a really bad night.
Second thing, it’s okay to leave some food on your plate of you genuinely feel full. Just make sure you aren’t wasting cake or french fries. If you have to eat those first to make sure you get enough sugar and grease, then do it. I always hate to see desserts left on a plate because someone was worried about getting all their vegetables down. You’ve only got so much volume in that food sack behind your bellybutton. Fill it wisely.
This poem reminds me of a person I saw on a TV show called Superhumans who would eat light bulbs, including the metal base. Bet his dad never told him to clean his plate when he was a kid. Might get a trip to the doctor for it. The guy claimed it didn’t hurt, but I couldn’t help wincing as I heard his teeth chomping crunchy glass and scraping on metal. How is eating glass a superpower? You can’t fight crime with a lacerated gut. But the king of clearing his plate would have to be Michel Lotito. This guy ate televisions, bicycles, an entire airplane and tons of other dangerous things. Mr. Lotito actually won an award made of brass for his crazy eating habits. He ate the award too. So I guess this poem is dedicated to Michel Lotito, the plate cleaner.