Don't you roll your eyes at me.
I haven't swept the floor, you see.
They might roll in crumbs or dirt or grease,
Or under the fridge,
Or even worse.
When you put them back in,
They'll be covered in hair.
Your vision will be severely impaired.
And if I should catch your eyes rolling there,
I won't roll them back.
I'll keep them as spares.
I like your eye color,
I'll give them a try,
Or put them in back
So I can't be surprised.
Your eyes should fit in,
They're almost my size.
Rolling eyes may get stomped as they pass.
What a reward for your eye-rolling sass.
Keep your eyes in the sockets
or the cat could get 'em.
He'll think it's a mouse
and I'll just let 'em.
Don't you DARE roll your eyes at me!
The eye roll is the ultimate gesture of teenage disapproval. But, as usual, my poem is giving a valuable warning. Eye rolling is a risky practice that can end in tears, or maybe no tears (can empty sockets make tears?). You may be surprised at the statistics on this. So many now eyeless teens who gave in to the desire to non-verbally sass their parents. It’s really not worth the chance of a pet getting one of your peepers.
Besides, eyerolls are far out of the acceptable range for adult social situations. Might as well get rid of this practice now. Adults have to find more subtle and tricky ways to express their feelings when another adult is being unreasonable. I like to use the mute button in a remote meeting and then smack my desk with a fist repeatedly. Another adult version of the eyeroll is euphemisms (things that sound nice but are actually poking fun at something). Beware of phrases like “he’s an interesting character” or “that’s a unique approach”. I’m not saying YOU should do these things, I just want you to know an adult “eyeroll” when you see or hear it. Adult eyerolls carry their own risks, especially when aimed at your boss.