Admiring our holiday creation,
Dripping with delightful decoration.
My, this tree is glistening
With tasty, dangly, shiny things.
Each and every branch is heavy weighted
With fun and festive days anticipated.
Fishsticks, burgers, ham and chicken -
Boy, this tree is finger lickin' -
Proteins all the way across,
Grab the buns and dipping sauce.
Ringed with sausage interlinking,
No glass balls or lights a'blinking,
The Meatsmus tree is only barely stinking,
And it beats the holiday tree
that YOU were thinking.
-B.C. Byron
When my parents were kids, many people decorated their Christmas trees with popcorn on a string instead of tinsel. Other edibles were hung as ornaments – cookies, candy canes, and even fruits. I bet those things got pretty stale as they hung from the tree for days and days, collecting dust and being handled by many children’s hands, and sniffed and nibbled by pets. Nothing like two week old, chewy popcorn to top off Christmas dinner.
Hearing these stories is what set me to wondering about what foods I would hang on the Christmas tree if I had no ornaments and lights to decorate it. That’s when the idea if the meatsmus tree came along. As long as you eat the ornaments within 2 hours to avoid parasites and diseases, Christmas dinner is all set. Your pet dog would enjoy the lower branches and everyone else can pick their favorite cuts of meat from the upper branches. Saves the hassle of stuffing steaks and hamburger into a stocking like we usually do.
Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for reading my poems this year. Many more poems to come next year, assuming my heart survives the meatsmus tree feast.
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