Our roly poly fat dog,
Our chubby blubber dog.
When we take her for a walk,
We just roll her like a log.
We searched our overflowing pet,
But haven't found her legs yet.
They're hidden by the chunky rolls
So deep inside the fat, I bet.
We feed her only jelly rolls
Until her belly's overfull.
Our little glutton doggy
Hasn't any self-control,
So her tail's too fat for waggin'
And her cheeks are always saggin'.
When we push her 'cross the kitchen floor,
That behind's really draggin'.
We love our blobby doggy so,
Our portly little pile of dough.
A heart that's bigger than her paunch,
The sweetest puppy that we know.
Please don't mistake her for a hog -
Our tubby, stubby, fatty, flabby,
porky, pudgy, chunky, chubby,
lardo ball of dog.
Why is it so cute when a puppy has a big gut and thunder thighs, but not if I have them? My kids love the illustration for this poem and when they saw it, they asked if we could get our own chubby puppy. Overfeeding pets is not cute or healthy, but there are certain animals that can pretty much get away with anything, it seems. My pet rabbit has this down. He’s a chunky little troublemaker that sheds hair all over the furniture and our clothes. He chews holes in our kitchen and bathroom cabinets, jumps in garbage cans to rummage around, eats the kids toys when they’re left out, and sometimes pees on the couch. He also ate 2 of my headsets after hopping up onto my office chair and then onto my desk. For 3 days, I had to attend my remote meetings using the computer microphone and picking up all the noise of the toilet flushing next to my office and neighborhood kids yelling at each other as they passed my house. Our rabbit even ate a laptop cord once. All this mischief and destruction, and still we call him our adorable little bunny (he’s a full grown rabbit) and give him too many treats whenever he stands up on his hind legs to beg. If I acted like that at my job I’d be fired, or at least sent to work alone down in the office building basement.
Perhaps it’s the fluffy hair that gets them all this leverage to do whatever they want? I may have a way to test this theory, though it will take several months to prepare. As I mentioned, my pet rabbit sheds a ton. We have to brush him nearly every night to keep the clouds of bunny hair from saturating the entire house. I could clean out the rabbit brush and collect the excess fluff in a plastic bag each time we brush the bunny. This velvety ball of pet leavings might just get large enough to make myself a genuine bunny hair suit and try it on for a few days. I’m curious to see if I could get away with begging for food all the time and leaving messes everywhere I go. Will people happily clean up after their furry, 200 pound friend because he’s “so darn cute and fuzzy”? Will everyone cave in at restaurants give me free lunch when I beg with my big watery eyes and hop around in circles? Can I nap in the middle of the day at my desk and not get fired? Pets can get away with anything, and maybe so could I.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this poem and drawing, please search for my book on Amazon and support by reading leaving a review. Even if you end up hating my book and want your money and time back, still leave a review. I’ll be offended and dislike you a lot if it’s not a good review, but at least it will give me someone to complain about and your purchases help fund my bizarre experiments.