The Mountains of Blob

We're going away to the Mountains of Blob
where the stones are all made of jelly,
where marshmallow trees
grow as tall as you please
and they jiggle like Uncle Steve's belly. 

We'll squish to the top of wobliest blob,
we're careful to not lose our footing
as we slosh through a flood
of chocolate chip mud
and wade in the pools of pudding. 

At night we make camp
in the Mountains of Blob
with a specialized candy-proof tent,
'cause the pinata clouds
carry treats by the pound
and storms are a frequent event. 

So come with a spoon
to the Mountains of Blob
and wearing your stretchiest pants.
The bears are all gummy,
their droppings are yummy,
dig in if you're given the chance. 

The loveliest place
for stuffing your face,
the gelatinous Mountains of Blob.


-B.C. Byron

I used to go camping all year round as a teenager, both with my scouting troop and my family. It was fun to explore the deep woods and occasionally try out edible plants we found. One of my favorites was mallow. I didn’t know it was mallow at the time. We called them bellybutton plants because of the edible seed pods that looked like a bellybutton when the plants were fully matured. I still snack on these when I find them at the park near my house. I recently learned the name of this weed and also that a variant of it was used to make the original marshmallows (mallow weed that grows in marshes. Makes sense now). Modern marshmallows probably arem’t actually made from this plant amymore, so it still don’t count as vegetables, but all this got me thinking about my ideal camping spot. The Mountains of Blob would be messy, but totally worth the trip. Pudding rivers, gumdrop rocks, whip cream hills, marshmallow trees, and candy raining from the sky. Beats eating bellybutton weeds and getting tree sap in my hair. Even the animals poop candy in the Mountains of Blob. Go ahead, dig in.

There could be a few hazards in such a place (I mean, besides eating so much my belly bursts or staying awake with the sugar shakes for three days). I’m hoping those pinata clouds have soft sweets in them. Cotton candy balls would be alright. I imagine the terminal velocity (maximum falling speed) of gummy worms and suckers isn’t high enough to permanently injure me as they come raining down from the sky, but it would sting at the very least. Probably best to bring a sturdy umbrella when visiting the Mountains of Blob. Also, swimming in pudding might be dangerous. I don’t know if humans would float in liquid that dense, but I’d be willing to try it. If I sink, oh well. What’s a better way to go than drowning in chocolate pudding?