When my family went to Yellowstoney,
I earned myself a broken boney.
I tried to help a buffalozy
By wiping a hanger from its nosey.
A kindness for the dripping beasty,
Expected "thank you" at the leasty.
Instead of showing gratitudey,
It tossed me like some rotten foody.
Now I need a wooden crutchy.
Those buffalo are way too touchy.
-B.C. Byron
My family traveled to Yellowstone Park every year when I was a kid. It never got old for me no matter how often we went. My favorite sites were the mudpots, bubbling clay pits in different colors that gurgled and groaned like the cheap hamburgers we had put in my stomach on the way to the park. We must have gone to every corner of that place at least once, and nearly every location had a story about some fool getting injured or worse. People trying to bathe in scalding pools, hanging over railings at the canyon, or falling in geysers while reaching inside them. I couldn’t believe the folks that would get right in the face of a bear, moose, or buffalo with cameras flashing away, risking their life for a picture that could probably be bought on a postcard at the gift shops. Most of the horror stories were about annoyed buffalo running over those click-happy nutters. I even heard one about a person who got mauled by a bear because they didn’t want to give up a couple of Twinkies cakes.
I never did get injured at Yellowstone Park myself, though I did get close enough to buffalo, while in my car, to see that most of them really did need a tissue. Buffalo have extremely drippy noses. Consider this when you’re tempted to take risky snapshots of these monster beasts. If you’re charged by a buffalo for getting in its bubble and actually manage to survive, you will likely be covered in snot. Don’t mess with the buffalo.
This poem came together last year while I was actually at a cabin near Yellowstone with my wife and kids. I was so happy to visit there after about 15 years. It brought back many childhood memories and was even better when shared with my daughters. We even got to see some cute, booger-nosed baby buffalo.
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