On Valentine's Day
I gave you my heart.
You vowed,
"with this I'll never part".
Oh, now my head is feeling light,
and standing up
takes all my might.
It might be love that has me so,
Or lack of blood flow,
I don't know.
A heart is such a lovely present,
Why do I feel so unpleasant?
Maybe it is for the best
to put my heart back in my chest.
I hate to be that kind of guy,
but give it back
before I die.
-B.C. Byron
Warning: Taking out your own heart is unsafe. Performing any kind of surgery on yourself is also not covered by most insurance policies.
The scene in this poem must have all happened within 1 minute. That’s about how long a human can live without a heart. That single minute would have to include removing the heart, wrapping it up in a gift box, and the delivery. This guy must move fast.
On Valentine’s Day, I know many of us are pondering the ultimate gesture of love: giving someone your heart. I think we all know what it really means to give your heart away, but what if we took that phrase literally? What if, instead of a cheesy card or a box of chocolates, you presented your significant other with a beating, blood-pumping organ?
Now, let’s explore what might happen if your significant other actually received your heart. The first thing to consider is how the heart would be kept alive outside of your body. The heart requires a constant supply of oxygen and nutrients to keep pumping. Without those things, it would quickly stop functioning. So, if you want to give your heart away, you’ll need to read some medical text books and start tinkering first. You’ll need to make something like a heart-lung bypass machine. These are used during heart surgeries to keep a patient’s blood flowing and oxygenated while the heart is being operated on. It’s not the most romantic image, but you wanted to give someone your heart and that’s how it’s done.
Now that your heart is hooked up to machines and able to survive outside your body, what to do with it? Would your sweetheart keep it in a jar on their nightstand, like a Valentine/Halloween snow globe? Would they put it on a pedestal for display in the living room? Of course, it’s worth considering the emotional impact of giving someone your actual heart. This is a gesture that goes beyond chocolates and roses; it’s a sign of complete and total spooky devotion. If your significant other got your heart as a gift, they might feel overwhelmed by the weight of that devotion, or intimidated by the knowledge that you’ve put so much trust in them. They might even feel just a little bit frightened out of their very wits.
On the other hand, they might be completely thrilled that you went through all that gruesome self-surgery and trouble just for them. And if they’re thrilled by THAT, you know they are not someone you should be falling in love with.
Keep your heart. Go with the card and maybe a video game this Valentine’s Day.
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